i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
