The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
