It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
