Buhtt sex?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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