We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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