So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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