9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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