Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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