i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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