my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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