I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
