I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
