i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
