How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
