If that was your dad, he is hot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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