she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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