You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
