I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
