i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
