her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
