Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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