i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
