The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
