I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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