Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
