Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
