I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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