I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
