I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
