Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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