i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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