I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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