guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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