We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
