thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
