u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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