you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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