Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
