I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
