What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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