Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
50% drunk capacity currently
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
