Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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