He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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