she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
