She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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