i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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