We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
