I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
