it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
