i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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