does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
