Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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