i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
