and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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