I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dicks are not precious.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
