I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
