: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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