; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize