When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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