dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
