dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
