i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Text me some of your sweat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
