I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
