So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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