you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
