I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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