Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
