yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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