So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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