ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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