Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
