the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
