u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
