I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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