Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
