On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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