Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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